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Seriously, I need to start a friggen column on the stupidity I see down at the local carwash! Tonight I had some fun playing with some local yokels with a little inadvertent help from Greg Dupree. Anyway, once a week I hit the 24 hour self-wash near me. I don't spray wash the car, but I use the lighted bay to clean while it's cool at night. Anyway, it's about 8 or so and just getting dark when this guy and his girl in a black Jetta come up to me to ask about the car (something that happens all too often and is becoming annoying ;). We talk for a bit as I try to get back to cleaning. The rest goes like this: JettaBoy: So what does your car run 0-60?
Me: Well, I really don't know since at the track they only measure 60' times.
Jetta: Well, what would you guess that it is?
Me: Probably a mere 6.5-6.7 with a good launch
Jetta: That's it? That's weak!
Me: What does your Jetta do?
Jetta: 5.0 give or take
Me: Really? What do you have done to it?
Jetta: Just exhaust **At this point I heard a loud beeping from my pocket. I looked inside and it was my handy BS meter going off like the 4th of July. A little later he moves on to...
Jetta: Ever race for pink slips?
Me: Uh, no, can't say that I have. I can't see losing a car over a silly pissing contest. Maybe if I had a Mustang...lords knows I wouldn't be sad to see it go.
Jetta: Don't like Mustangs do you?
Me: You could say that
Jetta: Well, know anyone with a really fast car that would rant to race for pinks? My uncle has a car that can beat anything... **At this point I decide to have some fun with him... Me: As a matter of fact I do. A group of us are heading up to Famoso raceway this weekend. Come on up.
Jetta: Aren't you going to ask me what this car has in it?
Me: It really doesn't matter
Jetta: Well it's a 1987 Porsche 944 with 1,200hp that runs 9's.
Me: ........
Jetta: Guess what he runs 0-60? 4.1 seconds!
Me: Really now...so he runs 9's but he doesn't get to 60mph before 4.1 seconds? Ohhhhh, I get it, he must be spinning through first.
Jetta: Nah, he has those slick tires...launches like a bat out of hell
Me: Interesting...well, how about you come up to Bakersfield with your uncle this weekend? My mechanic has a car and would race him.
Jetta: Um, we only race for pinks?
Me: I know...give me your number and I'll call you with all the information? We'll save you guys a spot...try to be there by 1pm though.
Jetta: Uh...um...what kind of car is it?
Me: Well, my mechanic has a 280Z with a 300ZXTT motor in it, HKS Ball bearing turbos with NOS going on, etc. Should be a fun race considering both of them have 9 second cars.**I could see his girl holding in a laugh, but two points for this guy. He wasn't backing down but he was stammering. I bet he thought I was jiving him like he was me... Jetta: Well...uh... I'll tell my uncle...but this weekend is bad, I have to go out of town... **Standing behind him, his girlfriend was nodding "No he doesn't" and I almost lost it laughing! Me: Oh nooooo problem, there are plenty of events, I'll call you with dates, we can do this anytime!
Jetta: Uh, yeah...sounds great. As they went to clean up their stuff and leave, I went in for the kill because I wasn't satisfied. I'm sure he was thinking that *I* was full of shit and that he had played me. I had his girl thinking he was an idiot...but I couldn't just stop there, could I? So I run over with my cell phone in hand... Me: Hang on guys, let me call my mechanic and make sure he's going. (I dialed Greg and turned the volume ALL the way up so this guy and his friends could hear Greg).
Me: Hey Greg, are you bring your TTZ up to Famoso this weekend?
Greg: No, I'm actually trailering Mark's race car up there.
Me: Oh, what a shame...this guy that I told about your car wanted to race up in Bakersfield.
Greg: Well, Mark's car is a full blown race car.
Me: What's in it? (I knew full well already hehe...)
I held the phone out as they listened...
Greg: Well, it's a 280 with a big T4 turbo, 350 Chevy tranmission, fully race prepped and ready to go.
Me: Really?...what's it run in the 1/4?
Greg: Oh, it will run 10's...over 130mph ...the look on their faces was PRICELESS. As I tried to wrap up the call with Greg the guy mouthed to me "I have to go" and pointed to his watch nervously. His girl (from behind him again) smiled at me and shrugged like she knew he was a dumbass. I nodded back, smiled at them and kept talking to Greg. As they hopped in the car I yelled out, "I'll call you to confirm Bakersfield!". He didn't look back and sped off... Dumbass. Just too easy.
Vote on my Z on www.cardomain.com! Fords are killing us! Zheaven.com is back *UP* completely! 04/13/01 -- Click my Z below to enter. 
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00:10:06 05/25/01
